As you are reading this post, keep in mind, this was the early 90’s. Alcohol was easy to get as was getting into bars under age. There were no cell phones so in many cases we used payphones to call home once a week. The lack of communication made situations like you will read about below all the more difficult to deal with.
When I graduated from high school, I moved to the beach with a few friends. It was a great time. We all got jobs waiting tables at different times of the day. One roommate worked breakfast, another the dinner shift, and I worked the night shift. Night shift was the best. I started work at 7:30pm and finished at 3am. Sunny hours at the beach were all mine! Even then I treasured my beach time. One of the roommates, Amy, was actually a friend of mine all throughout high school, so in retrospect; I probably should have seen the potential signs and possible outcome of our relationship.
Amy was very pretty with long blonde hair and, on top of that, she was very bright, so a good conversationalist. Amy was also a party girl. She loved to drink and party all night. Amy was a fun party girl for the first few hours, but just as everyone else was winding down, she was winding up. She would consume so much alcohol that many of her nights ended in the shower, trying to sober up or sitting in the bathroom, trying to remove everything in her system. As her roommate, it was not only hard to watch her go through this but also draining to spend so many nights helping her recover. Many of our “day after” conversations would include, “Let’s not relive last night. You can have fun without the drinks.” And those conversations occurred over and over again.
Because of this cycle, our friendship started to dwindle; it was very hard to watch someone not take care of themselves. We stopped hanging as much. She was not home many nights and if she came home, it was after I had gone to bed. Then one Sunday afternoon, a bunch of my work friends invited us to a bar to see a band. Amy happened to be home so I invited her to join us. Along with the invitation, I explained how cautious we needed to be – we were headed to a bar and we were underage after all. I suggested maybe one beer or no beer at all. She agreed and off we went, all three roommates together. I drove us there. As the day went on, Amy drank and drank as usual so I kept my distance. When it was time to leave, Amy and I got into our normal conversation on her drinking too much. On the way home, the conversation continued and then Amy got violent. My friend began hitting me and yelling at me from the back seat. It was so bad, I had to pull the car over. I walked away from that incident with a black eye.
I remember that day like it was yesterday but not in the first person, almost like I am watching a movie. What I remember most about that day are two things. The first is that when I called my dad, who also lived down at the beach, he asked what I did to her and said I must have deserved my big black eye. The second is that I also remember realizing then that I attracted many friends who had their own issues to work through. Looking back, it must have been comforting to know I was not the only one who was broken, so to speak.
If these events took place in today’s world, I would like to think I would have contacted Amy’s parents when I realized our conversations were not going anywhere and together, we could have gotten her the help she needed. Instead, after that nightmare afternoon, my parents called Amy’s and shortly after she packed her bags never to return to the beach. Amy and I were no longer friends.
I feel that this is an important story to share, especially with the younger crowd who follows my blog, because it taught me a difficult lesson about friendship. There are just some people who are not meant to be your friend, and that’s ok. I would suggest to all of you to look at your circle of friends and ask what they bring to the friendship. Are they a good influence on you? Do you create the drama that exists when you are together? Is the relationship healthy? If you are answering “No” to any of these questions, it might be time to re-evaluate and pull away from those who are not truly your friend. I am a firm believer that the circles you play in are a direct reflection on you. And not only that but they also play a very large role in influencing your decisions, shaping you as a person. Don’t be afraid to walk away from those in your life who are not helping you be the best “you” possible.
