I try to surprise the girls from time to time and put a special Hershey Kiss or a note of encouragement or just a little compliment in their lunch box along with a fun napkin. Recently the napkins have unicorns, rainbows and ice cream on them, they make me smile big but I digress…
The other day I asked the girls if anything exciting happened at lunch and I got two very different responses:
Deanna said, “I loved the note, can you do it every day?”
Delaney said, “Please don’t put notes in my lunchbox anymore.”
From Delaney’s tone, I knew right away she did not really mean it but yet she did. That night, she would not give me a real reason but, as a mom, I just knew there was more to the story. The next night when she was playing on her phone, I said down next to her, rubbed her arm and said very gently, “Who said something when you got my note?” Without hesitation she gave me the girls name and told me she mocked her for getting a note.
It is so easy to tell your children to ignore their friends when they are judging or saying not so nice things. Maybe the friend is jealous or just having a bad day and want you to have a bad day as well. But in addition to that, I am constantly reminding the girls to show love, compassion, and always be kind.
One of our favorite songs at the Rotella’s is “Shake it off” by Taylor Swift. (Included below for your listening pleasure.) Some of the lyrics say:
…the haters gonna hate…
…the fakers gonna fake…
… I shake it off, I shake it off.
The whole song is really about ignoring the news around you. We all know that this can be a hard thing though, so you need to find little reminders in your life to keep you on track, ignoring the news, and love living you, regardless of the haters.
My mom put notes in my lunch for as long as she packed my lunch. Not quite every day, but almost every day when she had supplies. She used the special holiday themed notepads you can get at the teacher supply stores. I never minded and I can’t remember anyone ever saying anything to me about it.. If they did, I probably just ignored it.. because like me, Mom is strong willed and just because it was something I might have been embarrassed about it, it didn’t mean she wasn’t still going to continue her love letters to me.
Also, why are kids so mean? Ugh.
Very sad how mean and low people go. My oldest daughter took that kind of abuse in grade school and high school too. I told her that they were jealously trying to take her down to build themselves up and that living well was the best revenge. I assured her that one day she would find out that they didn’t have such a good home life and they were lashing out because she did.
Years later she found out that my instincts were correct and that their home lives were hellish or not as cohesive as ours. During her Junior high school summer when she attended a mandatory retreat, she was shock by the sadness and tears as people described their home lives and how it impacted them. (They weren’t mean to be mean, they were hurting and lashing out at others to compensate for their sadness.)
My advice was like the Tim McGraw song – always be gentle and kind., as you never know the source of their anger and can be the only real friend they have. I also advised her to be friend when needed and not to be afraid of moving out of toxic relationships when necessary so as not to be damaged by their misdirected anger.
It was a hard thing to tell a young person as they always want to fit in, but by blazing your own trail, you are in charge of where you get to go. By the end of 12 years of school and trying to fit in, she finally loved herself for who she was and selectively chose the real friends to be in her inner circle. Many of them were her bridesmaids in 2016.
You don’t have to take the abuse and you don’t need to give it back. Walk away and don’t regret it!