My Gremlin

Remember last week’s post? If not, take a moment and read through it.  My gremlin is no joke; she can shut me down and make me a vulnerable child in less than a minute. She is full of fear and self-doubt but most of all she screams loud- YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I can always feel when she is about to make an appearance, my body has a way of trying to reject her before her grand entrance. I start to get cold, tremble a bit, and my palms get sweaty.

She shows up when I am with someone who says all the right things to trigger her, whether they are intentionally trying to rattle me or not. It can be those I love unconditionally, an authority in my life or even a friend.  The impact she brings can last for days. I feel like everyone can see inside me, as if they can look right through me and they agree, I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Everything I do while my gremlin is visiting is low energy and I almost feel despair.  Anyone relate?

Interesting enough, I have taught myself enough self-care that I can wiggle myself out of that mind space with the help of leaning on friends and family who know the right words to say, along with my own self-talk, but it is not easy.

My most recent episode lasted for days and it actually took a conversation with my life coach friend to get me back to a good head space. Over the course of that hour, I feel like someone was winding me back up, like I had a controller attached to my back and it was lifting me little by little.

Everyone has their gremlin; you have to learn how to tame her/him. I have learned some techniques to keep her at bay, once I have tested them, I will share the success with you in hopes you can also find relief in those dark spaces.