Recently Auntie KK came for a visit and after about a day of conversation with the girls, learning what they are into now, who their friends are, and what drives them, she stated the following,”The next time I come to visit I will teach you a phrase fair does not always mean equal.” I was so excited, when we were alone for adult time I shared I am still learning that and I am much further along in my journey of life.
You may be in the same boat as me. It is easy to understand why fair does not always mean equal when it comes to rearing your own kids. Some examples: we expect both girls to make their beds, but Delaney’s should be closer to perfect whereas Deanna just needs to show effort (this is based on age and ability); Deanna goes to dance class and therefore performs twice a year whereas Delaney takes gymnastic but does not compete so no show (this is based on chosen activity).
The girls needs are different and therefore the “what they can do or get to do” are different sometimes and that is ok. When it comes to me, I have to remind myself of the same, whether that be my larger family dealing with my siblings or at work dealing with coworkers.
The best approach I have learned is not to worry about what is happening around me, focus on me. When I do this, I trust my needs are being met, I am cared for, encouraged, coached, and loved as I need. By practicing this approach I am also able to keep unwanted negative thoughts out of my mind.
I love this, and it’s a great phrase for something we practice, but hasn’t been really clarified for them, this saying will help a lot it’s way better than “Life isn’t fair, get over it”. Xoxo!